I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
