i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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