Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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