Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
