I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
