Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
