I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
