I bet he comes in French.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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