We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
