she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
