My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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