Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
