i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
