weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
