Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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