and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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