i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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