She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
