is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
