i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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