do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
