We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
