Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
