would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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