i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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