I am in a vortex of obligation.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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