I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
