GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize