your parents love me but you hate me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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