Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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