he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
