Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
