So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
