He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
