I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
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