I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
