Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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