How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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