dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I cut my penus on the lid.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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