could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
