I think i peed on brittanys purse
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
