I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
