I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize