Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
