He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
