I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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