Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize