So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
