I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We talked him into tasing himself.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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