When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
