I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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