If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
