I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
