I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
