just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
