Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your penis caused this!
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