At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
