that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
