he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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