She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
