Cold hands, warm shart.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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