Say something about gay babies.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize