Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
