So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
