This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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