In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
