Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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