Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you will always have a special place in my vag
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
