Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
