If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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