So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
