I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize