The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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