The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
