Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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