She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm going to jail i love you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize