He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
