i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
