he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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