I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
