is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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