There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i believe in u and ur pee
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
